SM Fragments
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Stray ideas for SM stories.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own no anime series. SM isn't mine. Excel saga isn't mine. **

**AN: These never got off the ground. You can see why.**

**With Great Will****: Dietary concerns. ****Episode 1496**

**by ****dogbertcarroll**

Menchi ducked behind a garbage can panting for breath. Finally he had escaped becoming the breakfast buffet for his previous 'owner'. Now he could finally relax and not worry abought being slaughtered when he took a nap. No more books entitled '1001 ways to skin a cat.' or 'Eating pussy the Vegan way.'.

'I really wondered abought that last book though.'

"Excuse me."

Menchi backed into the alley wall looking up at a strangely dressed woman carrying a large key-like metal staff.

"You have seriously disrupted my plans for the future by arranging for the disposal of one of the Queen's advisors. As such you will have to take his place."

'Not another mental case! It was just another cat and this isn't Puss N' Boots.'

She tapped him on the head before he could move with her strangely shaped staff.

"Ouch! What did you do that for?"

"Congratulations. You are now a Lunar Cat and an advisor to the throne."

"Hey, how come I can talk and is 'emergency food supply' anywhere in my job description?"

Menchi shivered wondering if perhaps he really had managed to escape Excel this time, rather then the usual 'almost escape' only to be dragged back again.

"One, you are now a Lunar cat which includes the ability to talk while in feline form and the ability to change into human form at will. Two, not unless you screw up in a way I have not foreseen."

"You're not mad that I knocked out that other cat and switched places with him?"

"His name was Artemis and no I am not. His job performance was beginning to suffer because of his inappropriate relations with a number of stray cats. I trust you will not have the same problem?"

Blood-red eye's stared into his own.

"Nope, not me. As long as I'm not on the menu I'll do anything!"

Menchi felt the faint stirrings of hope. Sure it looked like he was going to be living and working with another group of loonies, but this group apparently didn't see him as an entrée.

"Good. You will be expected to give advice concerning battle plans and similar situations but I'll brief you in advance on what to say. Your real job is to keep one particular girl's hormonal level in check."

A book thumped to the ground in front of him.

"Read this and memorize the techniques. You'll need them. I have to go explain to Venus that her 'advisor' has been replaced."

Menchi blanched upon reading the title. He really wasn't into cannibalism, but as long as it kept him out of the stew pot…

Pluto's presence faded from the alley as she heard Menchi say "Hey, this isn't abought cats at all, but what's a Vegan?".

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Hyatt suddenly recovers and Plan 7,827,413-and-1/2 is put into immediate action.

Ilpalazzo delays the plan for lunch, but Excel forgot to restock the larder. "Bweee?"

After a while they notice that Hyatt isn't getting any less dead."

Let's see how the SM cast handles the mid-season replacement.

SE!

Back to episode 849

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**Furries 4 U****: Artistic Merit. Episode 11103**

**by ****dogbertcarroll**

Pierre had learned a lesson from his two months suspension, unfortunately it wasn't the lesson his aunt was trying to impress upon him. Instead of realizing that making a furry too 'furry' was the problem he decided that the problem was he hadn't made them 'furry' enough!

Obviously his tastes were too refined, too 'high brow', for most of their customers to appreciate the true masterpieces he created. So he would have to compromise a bit to insure his work would reach an appreciative audience. Changing someone into a complete animal was the way to go.

Take the tuxedo clad gentleman that had just attacked him. Now making him a penguin furry would seem to be the obvious choice to the plebeians that worked here, however that was where Pierre's artistic vision would make all the difference.

All he had to do was change the paradigm from animal to man as he was changing the form from man to animal. It was brilliant!!!

Instead of a cold water bird it would be a warm water one. Tuxedo's were typically social attire for parties where people would drink so why not add in a liking for alcohol? Perfect! The rose in the lapel added a nice touch of color but as he could no longer wear one we simply change the eyebrows to red for the right accent and it was done.

Pierre almost felt like crying.

This was true genius.

He would name him … Pen-pen!

The shop decides it's time to...

...relocate.

...rotate stock to another world.

Let's look at...

... Pen-pen's new owner.

SE!

Back to episode 10967

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	2. Chapter 2

**Ranma/Sailor Moon**

**Cat up a tree : Time winds blow Episode 211511**

**by dogbertcarroll**

The countdown hit zero just as Ranma sent his final command, to include healing and protection among his skills. Sighing in satisfaction, as only a cat could, he stretched and transformed into a tiger-striped house cat, only to be picked up by a green haired woman, wearing something that would have made Happosai cry tears of joy, moments later.

"Meow," Ranma ventured, figuring he should at least try and pretend he was a normal cat, even if the green haired, fuku clad woman didn't appear to be buying it for a second. Well, either that or she was one of those sarcastically deadpan characters who always look like they don't believe you.

"Yes, yes, you're just a normal cat. So, you won't mind when I stamp your forehead with a little moon shaped stamp and send you back in time to look after a young woman who has had a much more difficult life than she deserves, will you?"

"Meow?"

In a burst of light they vanished, leaving two of the clan elders to watch with wry amusement.

Cologne took another puff on her pipe, before turning to Tok-Ah. "I wonder what Pluto is up to this time."

Tok-Ah snickered. "Hopefully something other than walking around the village stroking a cat and playing evil overlord again."

"I always thought a black cat would have been more appropriate for that role."

"Maybe, but Luna wouldn't play along and Artemis was easy enough to convince. He agreed when she said the word petting and his white fur seemed to fit the role better. It was more disturbing somehow."

Cologne scratched her chin. "Why was she doing that anyway?"

Tok-Ah shrugged. "Why does my granddaughter do anything? I've always thought it was just because she could get away with it. Give me the position of Guardian of Time and I'd play all sort of jokes and claim I couldn't explain because it would cause a paradox too."

Cologne chortled. "Indeed. Remember a couple of years ago when she had Luna and Artemis' given a special shampooing and then ran off with them? Claimed it was so they could be advisers to some reborn warriors, but what sort of advisers would they be if they couldn't remember enough to give decent advice? I'm sure it's part of some grand prank that'll take a decade to pull off."

"Yep, but then my grandmother always said that without a sense of humor the gates would drive you mad."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Makoto sniffed. She'd lost her parents years ago and occasionally she'd fine the loneliness of her empty apartment getting to her. It was at times like this she really wished she had a pet. A dog would be nice, and not one of those yapping little monsters either, a big dog, something that you could pet and would sprawl out on the floor with you when you were watching movies.

"Um… Meow," Ranma voiced, wondering what exactly he was suppose to do in this sort of situation. The only thing he knew of that would stop her from crying was a quick blow to the base of the skull. 'Damn it, I'm going to have to learn about something more than martial arts to deal with girls. Although… by the time she woke up she'd have forgotten what she was crying about…'

"What?" Makoto was shaken out of her growing depression wondering where the cat had come from.

"Meow," Ranma tried again.

She stared at him. "Cats don't say meow, they make a noise that sounds a bit like it."

"Um…"

"And they don't say 'Um' either," she pointed out, wondering what was going on.

"How the hell do you know? Are you a cat?" Ranma demanded, his frustration at not knowing what to do boiling over.

"N-no!" she stuttered shocked.

"Well I'm a friggin' cat and I say 'Meow' and 'Um'! Now, let's try this again. Meow!"

"Um… good kitty?"

Ranma hopped up on the couch and began rubbing against her leg. "Purr," he said, apparently not knowing how to do that correctly either.

"What do I do?" Makoto asked, feeling really surreal about the whole situation.

Ranma stopped and shrugged. "I think you're supposed to pet me."

"Really? What will that do?"

"I dunno. I heard it's supposed to lower your blood pressure and make you feel better. I'm supposed to make you feel better and I really have only the two options."

"What's the other one?"

"It works better if I don't tell you before I do it."

"OK," she said nervously, wondering if she had lost her mind.

Mistaking her acknowledgment for agreement, Ranma sprang off the couch and rebounded off the wall just behind her head, landing a stunning blow to the base of her skull.

**THUD**

'That oughtta do it.' Ranma thought.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jupiter woke up a half hour later with a bit of a headache, but all thoughts of depression long gone…

* * *

And instructs Ranma on the proper way to comfort a crying girl.

** And Ranma distracts her by explaining the situation.**

And decides to go to bed. It's obvious that she's hallucinating and needs more sleep.

And… Something Else Happens!

* * *

**Ranma/Sailor Moon**

**Cat up a tree : Falling Leaves Episode 211533**

**by dogbertcarroll**

Makoto awoke and groaned. "Damn, my head hurts. That has to be the strangest dream I've ever had. Well, except for that time I accidentally drank some cooking sherry."

"Was it a dream where you are standing on a mountain fortress, in like Saffron's robes and thousands of half naked Chinese amazons are chanting and throwing okonomiyaki at you?"

Makoto stared at the talking cat. "N-no, I was fighting monsters in a really short skirt."

"Damn, why am I the only one who has that dream?" Ranma muttered.

"So it wasn't a dream?"

"No, I'm sure I remember having it at least twice a week every time I was forced to eat Akane's cooking," Ranma shuddered as he remembered the food of the damned.

"No, I mean having a cat talk to me."

"Nope, that was real. I know, cause I'm the cat that was doing it." Ranma grinned.

"And then knocking me out to make me feel better?!" she replied while glaring daggers at him.

Ranma winced and attempted to lie… badly. "No, that was a dream! See… I was talking to you and you fell asleep! Yeah, that's it! You fell right over and passed out."

Makoto rubbed her temples. "You are the worst liar in the history of lying."

Ranma sighed. "Well, let me ask you this, do you still feel like crying?"

Makoto blinked. "No, I don't feel like crying anymore, but I do feel the need for some aspirin."

Ranma hopped up on the couch next to her and placed a paw on her head. "Be healed!"

They both waited, but nothing happened.

She shook her head and winced. "Did you really expect that to work?"

Ranma shrugged and jumped back down. "I'm supposed to have healing powers, but I don't know how to work them."

"How can you have powers and not know how to use them?" Makoto said, incredulously.

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Are you claiming you know how to turn a desert into a forest?"

"What? No, but what does that have to do with any…" Makoto's voice trailed off as she put two and two together.

She leaned forward. "I have magical powers?"

"Yeah, didn't I mention that?"

"No, you knocked me out with no mention of magical powers."

"Oh, well you do, have magical powers I mean."

"I can turn deserts into forests?" she asked, the enormity of the situation beginning to sink in.

Ranma nodded. "Yep, but that's decades away. I'd suggest starting with causing flowers to bloom out of season and working your way up to ruining some guy's well trimmed lawn to start."

"That's not nearly as impressive," she pouted.

"You have to learn to run, before you can learn a rebound reverse spin kick."

"I thought it was, learn to walk before you can run?"

"Nah, with the right motivation you can skip walking and go straight to sprinting."

"How does that work?"

"Well, it works better if I don't tell you before I do it."

Makoto quickly sat upright with her back firmly against the back of the sofa and her head against the wall, hands half raised as if to defend herself.

Ranma just stared at her in confusion. "What?"

"I thought you were going to attack me," she replied before putting her hands down.

"I'd never attack you!" Ranma exclaimed with a bit of hurt in his voice.

"What do you call knocking me out then?"

He shrugged. "That was to make you feel better."

"That has to be the stupidest way to make someone feel better that I've ever heard of."

Ranma slapped a wise sensei look on his face and replied, "If it's stupid and it works, then it ain't stupid."

"Let's start over. Who are you, what are you, and what do you want?"

"My name is Ranma Satome, I am your magical mascot, and I am supposed to look after you. I figured I'd start by cheering you up and then train you in your powers, or at least in the powers we have in common."

"Well, that's… the craziest thing I've ever heard. Well, not counting that dream you mentioned."

Ranma laughed nervously. "Anyway, I thought we'd start off with some basic martial arts training and once you got a decent grasp of your chi, I'd start training you on how to handle your magical abilities."

"A cat is going to teach me martial arts?" Makoto snorted.

"Who got their ass handed to them by this cat?"

She winced. "Point."

* * *

"We'll start off by fighting some low level oni to warm up and then see about getting you a decent weapon."

"I don't have to wear a short skirt, do I?"

"Nah, I don't care how you dress, unless you want to attract shikima?"

.

"Is this going to involve sitting under waterfalls or any of that?"

"I've found a tub full of ice works just as well with the added benefit of not having to deal with perverted monks."

.

"I think I'll start with teaching you some basic kata and then work on building up your endurance."

"How is a cat going to show me a kata? I mean, I'm pretty sure I can't bend like you and I have no tail at all."

"I'll change back to human for that."

"You have a human form?"

"Yeah, now if I can just figure out how to change back…"

.

"So is there something else you've forgotten to tell me?"

"Yeah, we gotta find your magical weapon. It's a spear of some kind, I think. Some dork named Gendo's got it."


	3. Chapter 3

**Ranma/Sailor Moon**

**Like a red-headed step-child : Oh, but for the grace of grandbabies… Episode 66461**

**by dogbertcarroll**

The senshi struggled against their chains, unable to bend them the slightest bit. It couldn't end like this, could it, chained to the wall of a negaverse fortress at the South Pole?

Sailor Moon stared mournfully at her friends. "I… I'm sorry, I failed you guys."

"You didn't fail us, Meatball head! We were all outsmarted. We should have seen the illusions for what they were. It's obvious in retrospect that none of us could be taken down that easily, regardless of what kind of 'super-youma' was used. So we were all captured, one by one. None of us saw it coming," Mars said kindly.

"Yeah, I regret nothing! Well, except for the fact that I'll never get the chance to meet the right man and have his babies." Venus' eyes sparkled sadly as she thought about the loss of any chance for romance.

"B-babies?" Beryl stuttered, her crystal ball almost falling from her hand.

Sensing weakness, Mars tried to capitalize on it. "Yeah, lots of babies. Adorable little children with my hair and their father's eyes."

Beryl slowly began to smile, her eyes flickering between red and blue.

"I always wanted to run a bake shop." Jupiter broke in, causing Mercury to wince, as it appeared for a moment that she hadn't quite caught on to what was going on. "And I'd have a daughter to teach the business to. She'd look so cute in her little apron."

Black energy began to seep out of the crystal ball, seeking to reinforce Metalia's will.

A voice came from one of the halls branching off from the throne room, "I said, 'Hey, Pops, it looks like mom has been possessed by a class IV vampiric entity and he says, 'No, it's just that time of the month.' I said, 'But she's got glowing red eyes and is floating a foot off the ground!' and he says, 'Yeah, she tends to do that, why do you think I took a ten year training mission?' Stupid panda!"

The Inners stared at the pig tailed martial artist as he strolled into Beryl's polar fortress like it was the local arcade.

"Mom, I have to ask, are you possessed, cause chaining a bunch of cute girls to the wall can mean a couple of different things and right now I'm really hoping for possessed."

Beryl didn't answer, engaged in a staring match with a pair of blue eyes that were glaring at her from inside a crystal ball, black and blue energy struggling back and forth across her body with the black slowly subduing the blue.

"Wow, what a hunk!" Venus purred, staring at Beryl's son with a lustful gaze.

"Yeah, he looks much better than my old sempai," Jupiter breathed, cheeks flushed.

"I-I wouldn't m-mind having children with that guy," Mercury stuttered, watching Beryl's reaction intently, as the other stared at her in shock.

A torrent of blue energy poured out of Beryl's body, pushing the black energy into the hand holding the crystal ball.

Walking over to the girls he scratched the back of his back head nervously. "I'm Ranma Satome. Sorry about all of this."

The girls rubbed their wrists as each were freed, by Ranma simply snapping the shackles like they were nothing.

"MOON-" Sailor Moon began only to find her mouth covered by Ranma's hand.

"None of that! My mom deserves a chance to fight it for herself."

"But it's too powerful! There is no way a human can resist that kind of power," Mercury protested, cheeks still glowing from her earlier comment.

"Really?" Ranma grinned. "Watch and learn. Hey, Mom! Ask it what it thinks of grandbabies."

Beryl looked at Ranma and then returned her gaze to the eyes inside the crystal ball.

Silence reigned as everyone waited for the response.

"What?! You would deny me the chance for grandbabies?!" Beryl screamed, the crystal beginning to crack in her white knuckled grip. "Then you shall die!"

The Inners stared, wide eyed as Beryl flung the crystal ball against the wall, an echoing scream heralding Metalia's destruction.

"Mom, you ok now?" Ranma asked, worriedly.

Beryl smiled gently at her son, eyes still red and hovering a foot off the ground. "Of course dear, how could I be anything but great with a wonderful son like you?"

"Well… you're still floating a foot off the ground and your eyes are glowing red."

"My sweet naïve young boy, what has Genma been teaching you? When a woman reached puberty…"

* * *

Ranma suffers through the horror of 'The Talk'. With several girls taking notes.

.

Mars slaps a seal on Nodoka's forehead, to no effect.

"Dear, I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm no longer possessed. You wouldn't happen to have any chocolate on you, would you?"

.

Pluto gets hammered with a panda. "The Path to Crystal Tokyo is fraught with peril!"

.

Something else!


	4. Chapter 4

**Ranma/Sailor Moon/Spider-Man  
**

**Spider-Ken: A new normal [Episode 188097] **

**by dogbertcarroll**

"It just seems like such a shame," Jupiter sighed.

"What?" Moon asked, as she watched over Mercury's shoulder, as the blue haired girl scanned for dark energies.

"That Mercury's brother went through all that trouble and even managed to gain super powers, but still can't help her in fights," she explained, trying hard not to giggle.

"True," Artemis agreed from Venus' shoulder, "but he's not dead. He managed to get a pretty impressive set of abilities and I'll bet you anything, that he uses those to find what he needs to be able to help."

"You really think he's going to keep looking after what happened?" Mars asked, not sure if it was a good idea or not and still not fond of having a non-senshi, even one with rippling muscles, help them.

Artemis nodded. "He's more devoted to his sister's wellbeing than most people are to their lover's." He hid a grin behind his paw as he watched Mercury's blush cover all her visible skin.

"Reading a dark energy source approximately…" Mercury began, when a bizarre mesh of a snow cone machine and a woman rushed out of an alley right in front of them.

"Bow before the power of, Snow Job!" it roared, completely ignoring the copyright infringement lawsuit that Mattel would file should they get wind of its name.

Sailor Moon immediately started her standard pose and speech, "Dark alleyways are for…"

***wham***

A figured dressed in a skin tight black outfit, including the typical domino mask, slammed a small van on top of the youma, interrupting Sailor Moon's speech, much to her relief, as she wasn't quite sure what dark alleys were actually used for, except for a slight fantasy she had involving her and Mamoru, that she really didn't feel like sharing with anyone at the moment.

The youma winced as a couple of roses pinned its hands to the pavement. Youma were strong, but not 'lift a car' strong, so finding itself flattened and unable to move it did the only thing it was capable of… "Someone please, for the love of the Negaverse, purify me!" It gave up.

"I think that's my cue," Moon snickered, trying to hide her smile as the 'unknown' figure swept a completely embarrassed Mercury up into his arms, while Tuxedo Mask leaned against a streetlight twirling a rose with a grin.

"Moon Healing Escalation!"

***poof***

With a bad Italian accent, that was probably copied off of a Mario Brothers' game, the black clad figure cradled Mercury to his chest and stiltedly read a prepared speech off his left palm, "I ah come to thee rescue once ah more for my amore and with thee fragile blossom of womanhood safe once more, I away again!"

Ranma leaned down and gave Mercury a quick kiss on the cheek and a blue rose, before springing to the roof of a nearby building and vanishing into the night.

Mercury turned to the smirking Tuxedo Mask, "I really wish you'd stop encouraging him. He can save me perfectly well without the speech, rose, and kiss."

"Well, since we can't let him know, that we know he is really your brother Ranma, without letting him know about all of us, than he needs a public reason to ride you to rescue and the easiest one to use is that he's your mask," Minako finished, causing Mercury to turn as read as a tomato once more.

Mercury really didn't mind her big brother's help, as placing large extremely heavy objects on youma made taking care of them a cakewalk, but the jokes were getting a bit old.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Naru paused for a moment, as her spider sense kicked in, before quickly turning and extending her hands towards a fire hydrant and cocooned it in web, just as it began to transform. Ripping a street sign out of the ground, she proceeded to beat on it till it stopped moving, while her boyfriend Umino placed road cones around the two to warn off pedestrians.

The locals had quickly gotten use to the sight of the red head beating on trapped youma, as she was attacked about four times a week on the average and had it down to a science by now.

A local high school boy looked over at Umino and asked, "Doesn't it burn you that your girl can beat up demons and all you can do is stand around?"

Umino looked at the teen through his coke bottle thick glasses. "Are you asking what I think of having a girlfriend who is beautiful, strong, smart, beautiful, dangerous to demons and beautiful?"

"You said beautiful three times."

"It bears repeating."

"Point," the teen conceded. "So…"

"I usually think something along the lines of; Yippie, I've won the girlfriend lottery and wonder if I was Mahatma Gandhi in my last life to be so lucky as to end up with her."

The teen nodded and patted the geek on the back. "You sir, are a wise man."

Naru talked into her cell phone, completely missing the conversation behind her, "Hi, Usagi. Guess what? I just got attacked again! No, I'm fine. Yeah, I wrapped it up before it got a chance to do anything. Uh huh. Hehehe, a street sign. I suppose I could carry a bat or something around. Yeah, in front of the flower shop on Fifth street."

Naru rolled her eyes, as she listened to Usagi try and cover for her interest without letting on that she was Sailor Moon. "I know, I was just warning you, because my webbing only lasts about an hour and I can't kill them, so unless the senshi show up it'll be on the loose in the area and I don't want you getting attacked. Your Mom's calling you? Well, I'll talk to you later than, bye!"

The red head grabbed her boyfriend and kissed him passionately; beating youma always put her in a bubbly mood.

The boy that had been talking to Umino a moment before walked over to his friends, who'd been too intimidated to go over.

"Did you ask him?" several of them blurted out at once, or variations on that theme.

"Yep and let me just say, he is the smartest guy in the world!"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Ranma searches for a source of magic he can use to help.

Mercury gets fed up with all the jokes at her expense and plans a little payback on her friends.

Luna complains once again about her faulty memory and insists that there had to be some tools from the Moon Kingdom that could both insure Ranma's loyalty and protect against the drain the youma cause.

Something else.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:I was reading 'A team of wild horses' by Beartooth, when the inspiration for this hit me, so blame him!**

**Wild Horses Omake!**

The senshi quickly took up positions on the neighboring rooftops, while Mercury scanned the area.

"The two of them are radiating the same type of energy, despite the difference in their outfits and the dark energy pattern I've been following is definitely a youma. I'd say this was a trap, but their energy patterns are almost completely opposite of the youma's," Mercury transmitted to the others.

"Are you sure?" Rei questioned. "Cause I can't imagine any other reason for two people to be dressed that way, running around the rooftops at night."

"I can," Saturn groaned, not realizing she was transmitting.

"Really, like what?" Venus asked.

Saturn winced and tried to repress certain memories that were floating to the surface of her mind. "Just watch."

******

The two blurred into action, moving so fast that the hidden watchers could only see them when one of them braced themselves to block a blow. The battle continued for a couple of minutes until the redhead had managed to pin the brunette against a chimney.

"I have you now, Sailor Triton!" the red headed woman in a grey military uniform leered evilly.

"Oh no, whatever shall I do! The dark general Magnite has captured me," the brunette in a white sailor fuku with silver trim moaned, as the 'Dark General' proceeded to molest her, with the occasional helpful suggestion from the senshi herself on what to do.

****

"How did you know-" Mars' voice trailed off as she realized who Saturn's adopted parents were. She cleared her throat before continuing, "Right, stupid question."

Uranus snickered unrepentant, while Neptune blushed.

A flare of dark energy and a thunderous roar brought everyone rushing to the edge of their respective buildings.

While Magnite and Triton were surprised to see the senshi, they were more surprised to see what was going on down below.

A young girl was giving a surprisingly through beatdown to a vending machine youma.

"Quick, everyone hide!" Ranma called out.

"It's just one youma," Uranus complained, wondering what the two obviously highly skilled warriors were worrying about. "We can take it out easy and that girl down there seems to have it under control anyway."

"Not, that! My daughter's down there and I think she has enough mental scars from having me as a father without adding any more!" Ranma moaned.

Kasumi rolled her eyes at Ranma's baseless worry.

"Daddy?!" Ranko called out, having finished her battle and started to collect all the snacks the machine had thrown at her (in a desperate attempt to escape) and heard her voice.

Ranma winced. "Yes, honey?"

"Do I want to know why you are wearing a dark general outfit and mom's wearing a senshi fuku?"

"No dear, you probably don't." Ranma said firmly.

"Hotaru?!" Ranko called out, recognizing Saturn despite any disguise magic she might have had.

"Who, me?" Saturn said nervously, wondering how her best friend's older sister had recognized her.

"You better not be involved in my parents' kinky sex games, it'd break my little brother's heart."

Saturn blushed a nuclear red as Ranko hopped up to the rooftop to talk with her, while the other two Outers decided to talk to the two rather attractive women who shared some of the same 'hobbies'.

The Inners looks around in confusion, wondering exactly what was going on and slightly disturbed by the whispered conversation and accompanying hand gestures Ranma and Uranus were having.

Ranko and Saturn looked a bit disturbed. "Mom, Dad, I'm taking Hotaru to our place for a sleepover. I'll see you later."

The two bounded off before their parents' could reply.

Said parents quickly headed off in the direction of the Outers' house.

Moon was the first one to speak up, "Do I want to know?"

"Nope," Mars said firmly. "You really don't. Let's head back to the shrine and wipe this whole night from out mind."


	6. Chapter 6

**Misleading Covers Chapter 1**

"The lovely and talented Sailor V..."

"Is talking to herself again," the little white cat interrupted with a sigh.

The masked girl in the fuku frowned. "I'm just trying to set the mood, this isn't exactly easy you know? I'm twelve, I should be sleeping so I don't fall asleep in class tomorrow, not fighting for my life in a back alley against demons."

An awkward silence fell between the two.

"I'm ..." they both chorused before falling silent again.

"I'm sorry I had to drag you into this," the cat said, "you're right, you should be home asleep and if there were any other choice I'd let you, but unfortunately the world isn't fair and it's you or nobody and if you don't take it seriously you'll get hurt."

"If I take it too seriously I will get hurt because I'll freeze up," she explained to the feline, "I need to have fun and relax so I can do this. I know what's at stake but you have to cut me some slack."

"Okay Minako, we'll do it your way as long as you promise to be careful."

"Thanks, Artemis."

0oOo0

The boy in the dirty white GI chuckled once more. Time to make sure everything was in place. He'd hate to screw things up because he was sloppy and he'd missed something.

0oOo0

"I spy with my little eye and a pair of heat sensing magical binoculars; a lookout!"

"Really?" Artemis said, perking up as she held the binoculars so he could look.

"Looks like the tip was wrong, this is a simple B&E not a dark syndicate operation," Minako said with some relief.

"I guess so," Artemis agreed, happy his charge wasn't going to be facing anything more dangerous than a couple of human criminals.

Leaping from roof to roof the two cat-footed their way towards the lookout, who was so intent on watching the warehouse from the roof he was on that he didn't notice them.

"And it looks like the fat bastard is going to get away with yet another crime unpunished!" the boy announced, causing the two sneaking up on him to freeze, sure they'd been discovered.

"Or he would if not for the fact that the guard dogs are about to wake up!" he said picking up a bottle and flinging it toward the warehouse.

Minako and Artemis exchanged glances, both wondering what was going on as the bottle shattered on the Beware of Dogs sign, waking up the two Dobermans who'd been sleeping on the job.

The two watched in shock as the fat man in the dirty GI ran across the warehouse yard just ahead of the dogs with a large sack on his back.

The boy's right hand moved toward several strings he'd tied to nails sticking out of the edge of the roof.

"And he's making good time thanks to the dogs chasing him; too bad he's not paying enough attention to what's in front of him! Or he might have avoided the barrels of molasses!" the boy said pulling the first string and sending a fifty gallon barrel to smash into the man, showering him and the dogs in molasses.

"What a sticky situation but the fat man continues undaunted; wait is that a rain of feathers I see?" The boy pulled a second string and a large cloud of feathers fell from above.

Covered in molasses and feathers the chase continued.

"He's in the home stretch, but wait! He spies a wallet on the ground, will he risk losing everything he's stolen so far for this bonus prize as well or will he take the sack and run?"

"Bonus prize!" Artemis burst out.

"He should keep the sack!" Minako argued.

"Then he'll definitely go for the bonus prize, as Genma Saotome never does the smart thing," the boy continued in his announcer voice, not really paying attention with his hand on the third string.

"He's going for the wallet," Artemis announced.

The boy pulled the string just as the man dodged back and one of the dogs took his place. "Oops!"

The three watched in shock as the dog was briefly outlined in a black glow and it mutated into a humanoid form.

And then a large safe fell on it smashing it flat.

"Too many pulleys," the boy complained, "did you see the delay between my pulling the string and the safe falling?"

"You were trying to kill him?" Minako asked in shock.

The boy scoffed, "Kill him? With a measly three ton safe? I was just trying to knock some sense into him."

The other dog mutated as well, into a towering mass of muscle and fury, as they watched the man cautiously back away.

"I better get down there and save him," Minako said, "looks like it's a dark syndicate operation after all."

"Kijin Raishu Dan!" the man called out, his arms moving in an X shape in front of him; quartering the creature which crumbled into dust as it fell apart.

"Pops has been holding out on me!" the boy said angrily.

"Pops?" Artemis asked as they watched the man punch the safe aside so he could pick up the wallet.

"Ranma Saotome," Ranma introduced himself, "and the moron down there," there came a great deal of cursing making Ranma grin, "who has just discovered that it was his own wallet, is my father."

"Minako Aino … oops!" She turned bright red as Artemis groaned. "Can you forget I said that please? I'm Sailor V."

"Sure," Ranma replied. "He's opening the safe!"

The three watched as Genma cracked the safe using a stethoscope he'd pulled from somewhere.

"What's in the safe?" Artemis asked.

Ranma just grinned.

The door opened and a cream pie hit Genma in the face.

Artemis snickered. "The classics never go out of style."

"I didn't know normal people could survive safes dropped on them and kill demons," Minako said.

"We're not normal, we're martial artists!" Ranma declared proudly.

0oOo0

"Safe as horses," Sailor Venus announced, as she climbed out of a house that had been dropped on her.

"That's safe as houses," Mercury automatically corrected her.

Venus looked at the pile of rubble. "I don't know, doesn't look all that safe to me."

Jupiter quickly checked Venus over, making her sure her friend was okay as she patted her down looking for wounds.

"I'm fine!" Venus said, waving her friend off to join the others in blasting away at the jet that had turned into some kind of robotic youma.

"Yikes! Cold hands!" Venus shrieked, jumping a dozen feet straight up, revealing a figure dressed in black silk slacks with a red shirt.

He held up a hand with his index, pointer and thumb curled into a claw. "The shocker; two in the pink one in the stink!"

Jupiter turned to blast the guy, but he caught Venus in his arms bridal style.

"You bast- Ranma!" Venus screamed, changing from pissed to pleased in a split second.

"I told ya, V didn't stand for virgin," Ranma teased.

The robot roared, "For Cybertr-" it began only to be blasted in half by blue and yellow blasts of raw power from Ranma and Venus respectively.

"Wet willy!" Venus shouted, sticking her fingers in Ranma's ears and making him drop her.

"Ehhh!" Ranma managed to escape and was wiping his ears.

"That's for not writing for years, though I admit that was probably the curse," she said thoughtfully.

"Curse?" he asked curiously.

"Hit a final boss in England and his death curse was that I would no longer have to choose between love and duty," she explained, "meaning a sort of Murphy's law set up between my love life and Senshi duty, unless it's connected to my Senshi duty."

"Sounds like a medium level entropy curse," Ranma said thoughtfully. "Fortunately I got hit by a worse curse two years ago so it'll no longer affect me."

"That's fortunate?"

"The curse I've got is more powerful, but a lot easier to live with," he explained. "Let's go to your place and I'll tell you all about it."

"I think my dad still wants to kill you," Venus warned.

"And I bet you anything that not only does he welcome me with open arms, he allows me to sleep in the same bed as you."

"Anything?" Venus smirked, "how about..." she whispered something in his ear that made his eyes shoot wide open.

"Can I forfeit and do that anyway?"

"Hold it right there buster!" Jupiter called out. "You come out of nowhere, we don't know who you are, and we're supposed to let you just run off with our friend?"

"She knows me and I'm not trying to run off with you," Ranma said firmly, having learned a great deal from Nerima on how to deal with women, "all that matters is that she trusts me; you should know her well enough to trust her judgment if you're really her friends."

Jupiter deflated realizing he had a point.

"So if you're free of the curse, how come I got no letters?" Venus demanded.

"I wrote for over a year with no response," Ranma said shaking his head. "I figured Artemis had gotten you to ignore me to keep me safe."

"One time!" Artemis yelled, coming out of the bushes. "I suggested once that it may be dangerous for you to associate with us! Hell, I suggested offing your father a lot more than that!"

"Arti!" Ranma burst out, happy to see his feline friend. "Yeah, but I had nothing else to go on, so I had to guess, nothing else made sense."

"It was the curse!" Venus declared hugging him. "And by the time you were immune; and I want to know how and what that's about, you'd stopped writing me. If I'd known where you were you'd never have gotten rid of me, curse or no curse."

Ranma lifted her up and spun her around. "That's good to know, c'mon Arti we've got loads to catch up on. If not for seeing you on the news I'd have never remembered you. Pops found a brainwashing technique that actually worked and made me afraid of cats like I pretended to be."

"Wait for me!" Luna yelled, running to catch up with the departing trio.

**AN: Typing by Godogma!**


End file.
